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Hitman: Agent 47

In what initially felt like a very poor decision on my part, I decided to double up on cheap and poorly reviewed action movies, pairing Hitman with Transporter. At some point during the day, I realized that these were exactly the kind of action movies my Daddy raised me on, that he would have chosen to watch. And when I do watch one of these cheap thrills flicks, it feels like he's watching with me. And as has happened before when it was his turn to pick the DVD's at Blockbuster, the movie was lacking to the point of being kinda boring.

This movie was just a giant hot mess. For one, their attempt at being clever was utterly confusing. They set it up at first to look like our Agent (Rupert Friend) was the bad guy, and Zachary Quinto's dude was the good guy. Except while the first movie was completely unmemorable (except for solidifying for me who Timothy Olyphant is), I was pretty sure he was a good guy. And much of the publicity talked about ZQ returning to his villainous roots, channeling the likes of Sylar and the rubber man. And then OMG twist (not really) perspective is shifted and Agent is the goodie and AQ the baddie. By this point, I'd mostly stopped caring.

So you've got a girl trying to find out about her past, and an Agent trying to stop his from repeating itself, and a baddie who's trying to kidnap the girl for science or something, and if none of those seem like coherent thoughts, I'm right there with you. Also not helping was that our Agent is supposed to be void of emotion as part of his special engineer or something (because science). That now means that we really can't connect with our leading character.

Okay, but it's an action movie, right? Which means none of that really matters if the action is good? Turns out that's a pretty big and important "if". Except for one cool sequence involving cables, hooks, and an Audi (again Audi>-?), the action sequences were just as forgettable as the rest of the movie. This one really does deserve to be fished out of a bargain bin, and one where it's not just five bucks on Black Friday, but where it's price is quickly reduced to that (or less) year round. I'm so sorry ZQ. You know I adore you, especially when you're being bad (case in point, my boy kitty's middle name is Sylar), but let's just pretend this one never happened, 'kay?

Hitman Agent 47 - \m/ \n
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